Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
