North Korea, Best Korea!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
