i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The air was thick with penises
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
