She announced her abortion via fbk
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
