Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I have aggressive nipples.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
