Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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