terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
