Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
this beer tastes like vomit already
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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