The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
