I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
