Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
