How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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