i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
