I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
