Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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