I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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