Your tits are I can't wait for
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
