I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
