If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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