good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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