Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
