The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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