respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
