she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
