Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
