Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
