I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
