maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
