is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
