If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
All the doctor said was why
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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