Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
