how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Randomize
