I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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