Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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