I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
