Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
