turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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