I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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