Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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