You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
