I wish my penis had an off switch
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
