Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
