Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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