just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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