I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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