Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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