I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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