walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
