on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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