i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she looked like the before picture.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
