Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
